Hey guys, remember how I told you we are done with the sugar? I thought that I would do an update to how that is working for the family! First off- the kids. The kids have been in total sugar and junk food deprivation. I got rid of it all at the same time. The good news is that Duncan was pretty on board from the beginning. I phrased it that we were all grounded from yucky food- so he could understand it. He is pretty understanding and pretty on board. He now asks before he eats anything if its yucky food or good for you food. I love that. I love that he is learning food choices in his own 4 year old way. He is hooked on the high protein yogurt and scrambled egg whites. Things have been pretty good with him.
Sophia has been pretty on point as well. She is the best one at the store helping pick out all the vegetables. We get our weekly veggies- carrots, onion, garlic, sweet potato, celery, green beans or asparagus. After that, we stand back and look at all the veggies available and pick the ones that look the best. She LOVES color, so she is always intrigued by the red/yellow/orange peppers and yellow squash. I love that she is invested in picking the veggies. I think that its easier to get her to eat them if she helped pick them.
I think the biggest struggle is Josh. Bless his heart. He has a pretty simple palette. He isn't crazy about veggies and isn't very experimental with them. He tries hard though. Its hard to get the kids to get excited about trying new things when Daddy isn't crazy about it. He is trying hard though. Rather than picking up a two liter of soda (which I cant stand), he picked a packet or orange Kool Aid. At least I can sweeten it with something other than sugar or cut the sweetness down a bit. Baby steps....
I have found that my favorite workout videos are by Jillian Michaels. She is easy to follow and she keeps it simple for us big folks who cant contort like a pretzel. I have the Biggest Loser Sculpt and the 30 day shred. I have been pretty diligent about working out. Lyza's afternoon nap is JUST long enough for me to pop in a DVD.
Results wise....in a week I have dropped about six pounds. Pretty decent-huh? I haven't been hungry or cranky. I actually have had A LOT of energy. My joints haven't been QUITE as achy. I have chronic back problems...so yeah. I always drop a lot of weight in the first week, and then it tapers off- so Im not shocked by the first weeks results.
How are you all doing with your food choices and workouts? What are you finding that works best for you? What isnt working? Let's keep it going guys!!
Tuesday, April 24, 2012
Wednesday, April 18, 2012
Getting back in the saddle
Ok, So after a lifelong struggle with weight, I researched and decided that gastric bypass was the right decision for me. (Please spare me your judgement- I researched, and researched and made a long thought out decision that has forever changed my life for the better.) I had a dietitian do a work up on me taking into account my personal body chemistry. We found that due to my body hyper producing insulin, I HAVE to stay away from carbs. My blood sugar struggles to stay consistent without sugar. (and yes I know that there are carbs in vegetables and fruit) My body turns grains, flours and sugars (duh) into sugar. I have found that I feel the best when I eat 50% vegetables and fruit and 50% protein. This is personal to ME. Consequently, I dropped an astounding 200 lbs in my first two years.
I have had my struggles with staying on the wagon here and there but I adhere to the core principals of it for the most part. So I had a baby 7 1/2 months ago. She is amazing and beautiful and perfect and I am SO glad to have her. I am still nursing her so I kind of went into dietary free fall. Nursing makes me hungry ALL THE TIME. No seriously, every two hours I am hungry. I only gained 12 lbs when I was pregnant with her and so I left the hospital ALMOST at my pre-preg weight. Within 8 weeks, I was actually down 12 lbs from my pre-preg weight. I didnt really watch what I ate while pregnant and got really relaxed about it.
Cut to 8 days ago....
I have put back on 15 lbs. Yup- FIFTEEN pounds. I about CHOKED when I got on the scale. I knew something was up when my jeans were getting tight- and I believe in not looking at the numbers all the time- but 15 lbs?! Yikes. Not good my friend, not good at all.
So the Easter Bunny was an evil bastard this year and SPOILED me and the kids like crazy with Hershey Kisses, Crunch Bars and the ever evil- Peanut Butter Cups. I am pretty sure that I single handedly ate about 2 POUNDS of chocolate. I also lost it because the kids were refusing to eat, only to find their rooms covered in tin foil and Kisses flags. They were climbing the refrigerator to find chocolate. They were clawing each others eyes out over candy. I got ANGRY. I took a garbage bag and went through the pantry, everyone's bedroom, closet and any other hiding place I could find and threw out the junk. ALL OF IT! All the Dorritos, the BBQ Lays, the Cream Soda, the chocolate, jelly beans- ALL OF IT- GONE.
My ass was huge and my kids were huge asses. That was motivation enough for me. I was back to eating right and going to get back on the horse! I don't believe in counting calories. I believe in food choices and eating whole, real foods. Foods that contain only one ingredient like- chicken, eggs, fish, asparagus, carrots, nuts. You know- FOOD. I grill, roast, steam and poach to my hearts content. I use LOTS of herbs- they are calorie free and make everything taste good. I quit drinking soda YEARS ago- but I have replaced it with both black and herbal teas (hot and iced). I carry a 32 ounce water bottle with me EVERYWHERE. I drink over a gallon a day. I DO drink coffee and that is where my indulgence and my bad thing takes place- I use artificial sweetener in my coffee. Oh well....sue me.
I am back to eating slowly until I am full. I eat when I am hungry and I NEVER deprive myself. If I want something sweet- I find a way to make it happen without it being horrible. I don't believe in cooking two meals- so whatever I eat, the kids eat or a modified version of it. If its nutritious for me, its good for them too. I also have chosen to make it an adventure in cooking again. We are finding new ways to make everyone happy AND healthy. The kids attitudes have improved and they just know- we are all grounded from sugar.
Its funny though because within two or three days, we all are fine with making different choices. Even the kids are on board. No one is crying for pasta or screaming for ice cream. I know that looking at food as a source of nutrition has really helped in changing the way our family eats. The kids get excited to choose the veggies and protein for dinner. When I let them choose what to eat, we all have a better dinner experience. Take tonight for instance. Sophie chose ham and egg cups, broccoli and cauliflower and a mashed sweet potato. That had all of our nutrition covered and it was YUMMY. No screaming or crying at the dinner table and we all felt GOOD after dinner.
I have three young kids and two daycare children too- so leaving to go to a gym is impossible not to mention- I hate the gym. I have a treadmill that I LOVE LOVE LOVE but after a while, I get bored. I decided to go the video route this time. I have a couple of Jillian Michaels DVDs, a Six Week Body Make Over, Windsor Pillates, Jazzercise, and then I found some stuff on Netflix as well. I am not looking to drop TONS of weight- maybe 30 lbs. I guess that is a ton of weight to some of you- but after 200, 30 seems pretty minuscule. I am also not hyper focused on the scale. I try to weigh in only once a week or I make myself crazy.
Do it with me! Lets keep each other motivated and inspired. Share recipes, share successes, share new workout ideas! Who's with me??
I have had my struggles with staying on the wagon here and there but I adhere to the core principals of it for the most part. So I had a baby 7 1/2 months ago. She is amazing and beautiful and perfect and I am SO glad to have her. I am still nursing her so I kind of went into dietary free fall. Nursing makes me hungry ALL THE TIME. No seriously, every two hours I am hungry. I only gained 12 lbs when I was pregnant with her and so I left the hospital ALMOST at my pre-preg weight. Within 8 weeks, I was actually down 12 lbs from my pre-preg weight. I didnt really watch what I ate while pregnant and got really relaxed about it.
Cut to 8 days ago....
I have put back on 15 lbs. Yup- FIFTEEN pounds. I about CHOKED when I got on the scale. I knew something was up when my jeans were getting tight- and I believe in not looking at the numbers all the time- but 15 lbs?! Yikes. Not good my friend, not good at all.
So the Easter Bunny was an evil bastard this year and SPOILED me and the kids like crazy with Hershey Kisses, Crunch Bars and the ever evil- Peanut Butter Cups. I am pretty sure that I single handedly ate about 2 POUNDS of chocolate. I also lost it because the kids were refusing to eat, only to find their rooms covered in tin foil and Kisses flags. They were climbing the refrigerator to find chocolate. They were clawing each others eyes out over candy. I got ANGRY. I took a garbage bag and went through the pantry, everyone's bedroom, closet and any other hiding place I could find and threw out the junk. ALL OF IT! All the Dorritos, the BBQ Lays, the Cream Soda, the chocolate, jelly beans- ALL OF IT- GONE.
My ass was huge and my kids were huge asses. That was motivation enough for me. I was back to eating right and going to get back on the horse! I don't believe in counting calories. I believe in food choices and eating whole, real foods. Foods that contain only one ingredient like- chicken, eggs, fish, asparagus, carrots, nuts. You know- FOOD. I grill, roast, steam and poach to my hearts content. I use LOTS of herbs- they are calorie free and make everything taste good. I quit drinking soda YEARS ago- but I have replaced it with both black and herbal teas (hot and iced). I carry a 32 ounce water bottle with me EVERYWHERE. I drink over a gallon a day. I DO drink coffee and that is where my indulgence and my bad thing takes place- I use artificial sweetener in my coffee. Oh well....sue me.
I am back to eating slowly until I am full. I eat when I am hungry and I NEVER deprive myself. If I want something sweet- I find a way to make it happen without it being horrible. I don't believe in cooking two meals- so whatever I eat, the kids eat or a modified version of it. If its nutritious for me, its good for them too. I also have chosen to make it an adventure in cooking again. We are finding new ways to make everyone happy AND healthy. The kids attitudes have improved and they just know- we are all grounded from sugar.
Its funny though because within two or three days, we all are fine with making different choices. Even the kids are on board. No one is crying for pasta or screaming for ice cream. I know that looking at food as a source of nutrition has really helped in changing the way our family eats. The kids get excited to choose the veggies and protein for dinner. When I let them choose what to eat, we all have a better dinner experience. Take tonight for instance. Sophie chose ham and egg cups, broccoli and cauliflower and a mashed sweet potato. That had all of our nutrition covered and it was YUMMY. No screaming or crying at the dinner table and we all felt GOOD after dinner.
I have three young kids and two daycare children too- so leaving to go to a gym is impossible not to mention- I hate the gym. I have a treadmill that I LOVE LOVE LOVE but after a while, I get bored. I decided to go the video route this time. I have a couple of Jillian Michaels DVDs, a Six Week Body Make Over, Windsor Pillates, Jazzercise, and then I found some stuff on Netflix as well. I am not looking to drop TONS of weight- maybe 30 lbs. I guess that is a ton of weight to some of you- but after 200, 30 seems pretty minuscule. I am also not hyper focused on the scale. I try to weigh in only once a week or I make myself crazy.
Do it with me! Lets keep each other motivated and inspired. Share recipes, share successes, share new workout ideas! Who's with me??
Monday, April 16, 2012
Everything should be rainbows and unicorn farts...
So recently I have read a lot about people choosing attitudes, eliminating drama, always finding the best in everything, etc. Sometimes I find myself agreeing and sometimes I don't. I thought that I might step onto my soapbox for the day- so here we go. Attitude and happiness are choices- correct. Is it easy? Sometimes it is, sometimes it isn't. I think that it's natural that you aren't always happy and aren't always joyous and over the moon. I feel like being happy is actually the exception and not the rule.
I remember moving here from Puerto Rico at age 13 and being in total and utter culture shock. Everyone was beautiful and everyone was happy and hyper all the time. I was REALLY overwhelmed. I struggled all through my teenage years feeling like I didn't fit in. It really had nothing to do with the looks aspect- it was a difference in personality. People were happy all the time and spouting scripture and cheesy catch phrases about choosing good attitudes...and this was before social media like facebook existed. I felt like I was doing something wrong that I didn't feel like that. I also felt like I was being punished by God that my life was tough. If I had more faith, if I had more friends, if I was doing it right, it would all be perfect- right?!
Skip ahead 10 years...When I chose to be a full time stay at home mom- I experienced a big adjustment period. I was overwhelmed with everything that was involved with taking care of....EVERYTHING. I went into this crazy place where I felt like I had to control everything all the time. I seriously drove myself to drink because of it. When I went through therapy because of the drinking problem that I developed- I realized all of the pressure that I had put on myself. You want to know what the secret to my success was? I let myself believe that I was ALREADY perfect. My children were already perfect. I realized that perfection was not something that I could create or force- it just WAS. We are wonderful, perfect creatures and the rest- really doesn't matter all that much. Sometimes good enough is perfect.
When I figured that much out, everything else worked itself out. Life is not roses all the time. There are ups and downs, ebbs and flows. There are times when things will be amazing and wonderful and then there will be times that are down right hard. Sometimes all it takes for me is to say- "yeah, things are really tough, and basically suck, but it wont always be like this and ITS OK. I cant control or change the negativity, I can only accept it and try to move forward." Acknowledging where you are in your journey and trying to go along for the ride is the key to freedom.
I also want to touch on "the secret". I completely believe in the power of intention. Where I struggle is that there is an attitude that if all your dreams aren't coming true all the time or if you are having a hard time- that you are doing "the secret" WRONG. Guess what- your not doing anything wrong, that's just life. Stop beating yourself up for it!
I get frustrated when I see people pinning or sharing goofy quotes on Facebook or Pinterest that are supposed to be deep and meaningful. Its spouting messages about the beauty in all things. Guess what- there is beauty in struggle and beauty in difficulty too. THAT is where growth happens- when you are being challenged. I know people mean well by them and that there is no harm in a good reminder sometimes but I wish that there were messages out there that said- It's ok that life sucks today, ride it out, there is always tomorrow. Where are those messages? Where are the messages that say- I am grateful for the opportunity to learn and grow because things aren't going the way I think they should go.
Relax, take a deep breath. What if today you just decided that you were already perfect. What if you were already whole and complete. What would you accomplish? What would change? What would you give yourself permission to do?
I remember moving here from Puerto Rico at age 13 and being in total and utter culture shock. Everyone was beautiful and everyone was happy and hyper all the time. I was REALLY overwhelmed. I struggled all through my teenage years feeling like I didn't fit in. It really had nothing to do with the looks aspect- it was a difference in personality. People were happy all the time and spouting scripture and cheesy catch phrases about choosing good attitudes...and this was before social media like facebook existed. I felt like I was doing something wrong that I didn't feel like that. I also felt like I was being punished by God that my life was tough. If I had more faith, if I had more friends, if I was doing it right, it would all be perfect- right?!
Skip ahead 10 years...When I chose to be a full time stay at home mom- I experienced a big adjustment period. I was overwhelmed with everything that was involved with taking care of....EVERYTHING. I went into this crazy place where I felt like I had to control everything all the time. I seriously drove myself to drink because of it. When I went through therapy because of the drinking problem that I developed- I realized all of the pressure that I had put on myself. You want to know what the secret to my success was? I let myself believe that I was ALREADY perfect. My children were already perfect. I realized that perfection was not something that I could create or force- it just WAS. We are wonderful, perfect creatures and the rest- really doesn't matter all that much. Sometimes good enough is perfect.
When I figured that much out, everything else worked itself out. Life is not roses all the time. There are ups and downs, ebbs and flows. There are times when things will be amazing and wonderful and then there will be times that are down right hard. Sometimes all it takes for me is to say- "yeah, things are really tough, and basically suck, but it wont always be like this and ITS OK. I cant control or change the negativity, I can only accept it and try to move forward." Acknowledging where you are in your journey and trying to go along for the ride is the key to freedom.
I also want to touch on "the secret". I completely believe in the power of intention. Where I struggle is that there is an attitude that if all your dreams aren't coming true all the time or if you are having a hard time- that you are doing "the secret" WRONG. Guess what- your not doing anything wrong, that's just life. Stop beating yourself up for it!
I get frustrated when I see people pinning or sharing goofy quotes on Facebook or Pinterest that are supposed to be deep and meaningful. Its spouting messages about the beauty in all things. Guess what- there is beauty in struggle and beauty in difficulty too. THAT is where growth happens- when you are being challenged. I know people mean well by them and that there is no harm in a good reminder sometimes but I wish that there were messages out there that said- It's ok that life sucks today, ride it out, there is always tomorrow. Where are those messages? Where are the messages that say- I am grateful for the opportunity to learn and grow because things aren't going the way I think they should go.
Relax, take a deep breath. What if today you just decided that you were already perfect. What if you were already whole and complete. What would you accomplish? What would change? What would you give yourself permission to do?
Monday, April 9, 2012
How to make it happen??
So I have wanted to move to Denver for what feels like years.....three actually. Three years. After a reunion with the family, I now know- Denver is where I should be. Yup. I'm moving to Denver! Well, hypothetically. I just need to get out of the last bit of credit card debt, find Josh a job, sell our current house, buy a new house- oh, and pack. Not necessarily in that order.
I know what I want to do, but if you know me at all, I'm a bit jump the gun happy. I likes to make moves before I have the logistics figured out. To some, it may seem inspired- to my husband its impulsive. I love my life here in Utah but I am ready for a move. I am ready for a change- and I think Denver could be IT. I want my kids to be around their cousins. I want to be around my brother and sisters. I want to hang out on my Moms couch when I don't feel like making dinner (haha- that was a half joke). I want to do the things that normal families that live in the same general area do. So keep your fingers crossed for me dear friends and family. To Denver- and Beyond!
I know what I want to do, but if you know me at all, I'm a bit jump the gun happy. I likes to make moves before I have the logistics figured out. To some, it may seem inspired- to my husband its impulsive. I love my life here in Utah but I am ready for a move. I am ready for a change- and I think Denver could be IT. I want my kids to be around their cousins. I want to be around my brother and sisters. I want to hang out on my Moms couch when I don't feel like making dinner (haha- that was a half joke). I want to do the things that normal families that live in the same general area do. So keep your fingers crossed for me dear friends and family. To Denver- and Beyond!
Saturday, March 31, 2012
Im blue daba dee daba di....
So its officially a week since my family left. I must admit- I have had a hard time with it. It's hard to feel like I just got them back and then I had to let them go all over again. We are closer than ever. We talk or text or facebook at least once a day. It's all good- I just MISS them. I have officially started the countdown to my trip in June. I am taking Lyza since baby flies free right now (and Im nursing, and I have never been separated from her and I would go insane, etc.) Its 69 days from today in case you were wondering :)
It was hard to get back to "real life" after living what felt like a dream for 8 days. Its been crazy to hear my kids talk about my family as if they were always in our lives...(Uncle R would buy that for me- why wont you? Aunt M has the most beautiful hair- you wouldn't believe it. Aunt W is cute mama, she loves me- huh?!) It's so awesome to think that they have THREE sets (at least) of grandparents now. Gotta love kids :)
Here's hoping that this week will be easier. I know there has to be a balance between missing someone and functioning in real life. Im just trying to figure that one out. Keep your fingers crossed for me. :)
It was hard to get back to "real life" after living what felt like a dream for 8 days. Its been crazy to hear my kids talk about my family as if they were always in our lives...(Uncle R would buy that for me- why wont you? Aunt M has the most beautiful hair- you wouldn't believe it. Aunt W is cute mama, she loves me- huh?!) It's so awesome to think that they have THREE sets (at least) of grandparents now. Gotta love kids :)
Here's hoping that this week will be easier. I know there has to be a balance between missing someone and functioning in real life. Im just trying to figure that one out. Keep your fingers crossed for me. :)
Beauty dont live here anymore...
Oh! I forgot to post on THIS blog that if you are looking for the beauty "stuff", it has been moved to my new baby project- Budget Beauty Mama! I have gone all in with it. Tips, product recommendations, reviews, what's in my bag/ kit, pictures, information on workshops- you name it- I got it! So mosey on over there if you would like. You can "like" me on Facebook or subscribe through Blogger to get all the up to date fun beauty info! Thanks for your support!!
Sunday, March 25, 2012
Love found its way to Utah
So as you all may or may not know, I recently reunited with my birth mother. (you can click here to find the whole story) We have been chatting for what seems like a lifetime and arrangements were promptly made for my Mom and Dad to fly out. I anxiously awaited, cleaned my house from top to bottom, wrote emails, facebook stalked my brother and sisters....you get the idea. SO- my Mom and Dad flew in on March 16th.
I got up at 5 AM, got myself ready, got my family all ready and packed up to head to the airport. My kids had made signs so that Nana and Papa would know who they were- they were very concerned that they wouldn't know :) Josh drove- thank heavens. I was super calm and ridiculously excited and not a hint of nerves, until we hit Bangeter Highway. Everything just hit me all at once- what if, they don't approve of me, what if they don't like me, what if we just don't click at all, what if I don't fit in with their family unit?! Get the picture? I was a nervous wreck.
We got to the airport early as planned. I wanted to make sure that we were on time and that we would be READY for them to step foot on the other side of TSA. The kids wanted Sour Patch kids and I got a cup of coffee. I really needed something to feel normal- and evidently coffee was it. I sat down and tried to keep calm and just focus on the kids. I kept glancing at the arrival board to see if they had come in yet. Nothing was changing. I was getting really anxious. I made Josh check his watch roughly every 3 seconds. My sister was there taking photos and attempting to lighten the mood. Every time she reached over and asked: "aren't you excited?" I wanted to scream- YES- DUH! NOW LET ME BE!! (totally not her fault- I was just a wreck)
I looked up and actually caught my Dad's eye first. I told Sophie that they were here since she was sitting on my lap....I assume that I gently put her down- but I couldn't really tell you. I was in shock and a bomb could have gone off and I wouldn't have noticed. I saw Mom and I couldn't help myself. I yelled- I'M RUNNING! Just to give Mom a heads up so I didn't trample her to death. I reached her and hugged her. Tears just flowed and we held each other for what felt like an hour. I'm sure it was only two or three minutes but I was just soaking it all up. I couldn't let go. I tried to loosen my grip a couple of times and I just couldn't bring myself to let go. Finally- we both let go and looked at each other. All I could muster was- HI. It was the craziest thing. If there was any hesitation (which there wasn't) that we were Mother and daughter- it was gone. There was an overwhelming peaceful feeling that just swept over me. I KNEW without a doubt 100% that this is just as it was meant to be.
I imagined that we looked alike via pictures but nothing could compare to looking her in the face. She was magnificent. We look so much alike that it still catches me off guard. I then turned to Dad and gave him a huge hug. I was smitten. I absolutely without a doubt love my Dad. He didn't have to say a word- I FELT how much he already loved me. It was amazing and unlike anything I have ever felt before. I just stood there and looked at our family and all I could say was- WOW.
I weakly attempted introductions and Josh took over from there- baggage claim, getting to the car- all of the level headed things. We headed to my home to spend some time together. I set about two steps inside of the house and Mom turned around and placed a beautiful opal ring on my finger. It has four oval opals and two tiny diamonds. She told me the significance of this ring. She wore it the entire time she was pregnant with me. She intended to send it off with me when I was born but a week or so before I was born one of the opals fell out and was lost. She didn't have the time or money to fix it so she held onto it. When we reunited she took it in to see if they could fix it and they told her it would take over a month. They had to find a perfect color match and that would take time. She explained the situation to them and within a week- Mom was holding my ring seamlessly fixed. When she slipped it on my hand, it was if it was made JUST for me. It fits me PERFECTLY. No need for any sort of alteration. ***(funny side note. My four year old niece M had told me on the phone: "Nana got you a ring but it's a surprise so I can't tell you about it again" I had no idea what she was talking about but it all came together and made me laugh even harder when I realized what she meant.)***
I sat and showed Mom the photo album of me growing up that I had made for her and Dad. The kids showed them pictures that they had made, they played with Papa- it was just like this was the thousandth time they had been over- not the first. The only thing Duncan wanted on the agenda for Nana and Papa was Happy Donalds. (McDonalds for those of you who dont speak Duncan) We went to lunch, talked some more- it was just easy.
Duncan and I took Nana and Papa to Cafe Rio for dinner and took them to their hotel where they stayed for the first night they were out here. We walked them to their room- and talked some more. Duncan and I returned home somewhere around 10:30- and you would think I would have collapsed- nope! I just was so tickled from the days events that I couldn't sleep- and neither could the kids! We snuggled and laughed (and got in trouble from Daddy). We just laid there and talked about how wonderful it was to have Nana and Papa here.
From there- we just were. We would eat when we wanted, go here and there if we wanted and ALWAYS talking. (I know your shocked....Kristen was talking?!) We talked about everything from favorite foods to our family dynamics to gospel principals and we were able to re-tell "our story" to each and every person we encountered. It was so surreal to tell people- "I would like you to meet my Mom and Dad". I wanted to giggle every time I did. Each one of the older children got to take Nana and Papa somewhere of their choice. I wanted to make sure that they felt a part of what was happening. I also wanted the kids to loosen up and be able to relax and just be themselves.
One of the highlights of their trip was when me and my parents and Katy and her parents were able to sit in one room and talk. It was SO awesome to sit and compare stories and feelings. Our adoptions and our life stories couldn't be more different but the love was exactly the same. The love that I see in Dennis and Frank's eyes for Katy is EXACTLY the way I see the love from my Mom and Dad. There is no manual on how to do this- but between the two families (or one LARGE family) I think we are doing pretty ok. I kept joking that our family tree is starting to resemble a tumble weed. Its hard to explain how we are all related without drawing a diagram :)
We shopped for Katy's 21 birthday present (which Mom went Hog Wild on!), Mom and Dad picked out little things for each grand-kid. We just were a family. It was relaxed and no pressure. We were able to laugh and talk and drool over things for our home that caught our eye. ("projects" is a curse word in our home- and now I know where it came from). Mom and I both have a love for home interiors and making a house a home. Our taste is very similar too. I could tell you step by step what we did and where we went but it would probably cause you to snore. It was just life. Pure, simple, love filled life.
Monday night Dad had to return home to Denver. He had to catch a plane later in the evening to return to his job the next day. I was expecting the kids to be sad but WOW. Poor Sophia just lost it. She was modeling a sweet dress Papa had gotten her and then she found out he had to leave. I have never seen her so devastated. She was doing the "I cant catch my breath" cry. Her only other Grandparents up till now (Jean and Jeff, Arlene and Dave) live less than 5 miles away and have always been around so she was devastated to find out that Nana and Papa live so far away.
Mom and I took Dad to the airport together. It was so sweet. Dad was holding Mom's hand, giving her kisses and whispering sweet nothings the entire time he was here. I cant count the times that he told me- "I sure love your mother". My heart melted each and every time. My Dad is this rough and tough manly man who rides his motorcycle and then he turns to a giant marshmallow around his family. The entire ride to the airport Mom and Dad held hands and told me stories of their newly wed days. They are still madly in love with each other- after 30 years of marriage.
When we dropped Dad off at the airport I just lost it too. I LOVE my Dad and he loves the crap out of me too! We just hugged and cried and we started the countdown to my trip in June. I was on the fence about taking Lyza with me to Colorado in June, but after seeing Dad with his girls, the decision was made for me. I HAD to bring her. Dad would never forgive me if I didn't. After we left Dad, we went and just did some more life stuff. Grabbed some dinner, went grocery shopping. It was so awesome to just BE together. I had thought of taking them here and there around the valley but then I thought- they came to see US, not the new Nordstrom.
Later that week Mom clued me in that the two babies weren't acting like themselves, so we made an appointment to take them to the doctors office. Duncan had the flu and Lyza a sinus infection. It was awesome just to have my moms support when my kids were sick. She went to the doctors office with us, she bought the kids juice boxes...you know- NORMAL stuff. I kept reeling from the simplicity of it all. I must be honest though- It was a strange and amazing adjustment. After the death of my parents I had to come to terms with the fact that I would never have that parental relationship again. I would never have a loving mothers arms around me. It was my job to BE the mom, not to HAVE the mom. It was far beyond my wildest dreams to ever have this type of relationship again. I never could even dream this.
Mom and I went to Katy's birthday party with Sophie and Mom had the opportunity to meet Katy's birth mom and chat. It was a really neat experience. Sophie was castanet dancing around and things just seemed to be as they always were. Mom decided to head home after the dinner. She needed to prepare for my big surprise on Friday and needed to do all the packing she could. The reality that she was leaving in 24 hours hit me hard. I started bawling in the parking lot. I felt like I just had gotten her and now I was already giving her away. It was tough to say goodnight.
Every one around me knew what my big Friday surprise was- except me. All I got was- Your going to LOVE it. I was thinking that my Aunt Juliette was in town, maybe the three of us were going for pedicures or something?! Then Dad wrote me a sketchy text message about sky diving which confused the crud out of me. WHAT COULD IT BE?! I got up, got ready and was still confused as to what the day would bring.
I was nursing Lyza in the front room when Mom showed up Friday morning as normal. She somewhat hesitated when she arrived which I thought was strange. She has been walking into my home every morning for a week- why the hesitation now?! I told her to come on in. I put my self together and sat the baby up and then the mother of all surprises arrived- My brother R, and my sisters M and W walked in my front door. I screamed- no really I did. I just kept screaming- Oh my GOSH!, Oh my GOSH! What are you doing here?! I was SHOCKED. I went over and gave hugs and tried to memorize each one of their faces. I couldn't help but to cry.
We attempted to snap some pictures but I was completely out of it. I was reeling! I NEVER in a thousand years would have imagined my siblings walking in my front door. We sat down and I just stared- Im sure that they were probably weirded out but I couldnt help it. I wanted to just stare into their faces and keep it in my memory and in my heart. Mom told me that this was all their idea. They wanted to ensure that I knew that we were doing this as a family- not just Mom and Dad. They needed me to know that they were all on board.
I had told Mom and Dad multiple times throughout the week that I was more nervous to meet my sibs that I was to meet Mom and Dad. Mom and Dad HAVE to like me- I'm their baby. My sibs could accept me- but I was really concerned about rocking their boat and family structure. There is a difference between just accepting someone and LOVING someone.
They were each just how I imagined them being. R is an amazing big brother (all 6 foot 4 inches and size 14 shoe of him) and really outgoing and what you see is what you get. He has two children and one on the way. Our kids are all about the same age- which is AWESOME. Its so strange to have a brother who is #1 so much like me and #2 in the same place in life. I never could have imagined that we would be so much alike. I was actually told that I am the girl version of R :)
M is just stunning. She is absolutely beautiful inside and out. You just feel calm and at ease just being with her. She is EXACTLY as I pictured her. She and I look NOTHING alike. I look exactly like Mom and she is Dads twin. Her heart and mine couldn't be more alike though. She is very generous and loving. She too is very much....just her. We share the love of books so I lent her a series that I had read hoping that she would enjoy it too. She is artistic and very much a free spirit. I was the most worried about her acceptance- but I couldn't have asked for a more perfect sister.
My baby sister W is sheer perfection. We look the most alike. I was initally kind of taken a back by her shyness but then I remembered- I can be kind of a lot to take in and our situation is a bit heavy- so that would make anyone a bit shy. I instantly fell head over heels for her and found myself completely protective of her. I just wanted to snuggle her to death and never let go. She instantly took to Lyza. Lyza instantly took to her. W let R and M have their turns but then stole her back. I kept teasing her that it was her turn to have one since R and me have our families completed.
We went to In and Out Burger as I had teased Ryan that if he would come to Utah, I would buy him an In and Out Burger. I never thought that he would really come out though. I am a woman of my word- so I did. Katy came down to meet everyone too. It was crazy to sit there and look at all my sibs in one place. Everyone is so individual and unique, but so loving and all on the same page. We took pictures much to some's dismay but I needed them. I knew I would be studying them every day until I saw them again in June. I need to memorize every curve, line and nuance of those photos.
We went shopping and just walked around talking to each and everyone. The shocked feeling started to disappear at that point. We all have the same sense of humor though I think I am kind of the loud one of the bunch- oops. We were able to drive all together- just me and my "new" sibs. I don't think anything could have topped that. We laughed most the time- no heavy stuff- just laughing and having a good time.
We helped Mom take the car back and get all the final stuff packed for their return trip home. We laughed more. We teased each other and it was just as if it had always been this way. R and Mom were arranging the boarding passes while M and W and I got to just chill and talk. I touched on a bit of the heavy stuff and just told them how much I love them and how appreciative of them making this move. I would have made myself crazy with nerves between now and June and now the ice is broken and everyone is on the same page and happy. I just thanked them for their love and support and fought off tears.
We had a bite to eat for dinner and I just found myself staring and feeling at peace and at home. It was like all the pieces to the puzzle just fit. (though I was missing Dad like CRAZY that day) There was no drama, there was no weirdness- just love. We took more pictures :)
Taking everyone to the airport was hard. I struggled to put one foot in front of the other. I didn't want to let any of them go back to their "real lives". I wanted to to kidnap them all and just live in our little happy bubble a little longer. Hugging everyone goodbye and taking pictures was difficult. At one point I said- OK I'm keeping it together....no I'm not- and I just started bawling some more. I saw them off to TSA and took the escalator up. Snapped a few more pictures and bawled. and bawled. and bawled. I was kind of shocked that I made it home in one piece. At one point I couldn't really see from all my crying.
I was crying for so many reasons that I couldn't just pick one. Mainly I was crying because of the miracle in this for everyone. It's undeniable how perfectly this miracle was facilitated from something other than this world. The timing was perfect for each one of the people that were involved. If this even happened a year ago, I wouldn't have been able to handle all of this. I know my sibs and parents feel the same way. I felt so blessed and honored to be part of this family unit that is already AMAZING. I know that God has a plan for me- and its so much bigger and better than I could have ever expected it to be.
I am beyond grateful for each and everyone around me. My family, my friends- everyone. It's amazing to have the support that I do. I couldn't do it without YOU. Yes, you- reading this right now. I am so lucky to have amazing people who love me and are supportive of this miracle in my life. Thank you, to all of you- on this side of life and the other. I feel each of you with me in my heart. I love you. and you. and you. Thank you.
I got up at 5 AM, got myself ready, got my family all ready and packed up to head to the airport. My kids had made signs so that Nana and Papa would know who they were- they were very concerned that they wouldn't know :) Josh drove- thank heavens. I was super calm and ridiculously excited and not a hint of nerves, until we hit Bangeter Highway. Everything just hit me all at once- what if, they don't approve of me, what if they don't like me, what if we just don't click at all, what if I don't fit in with their family unit?! Get the picture? I was a nervous wreck.
We got to the airport early as planned. I wanted to make sure that we were on time and that we would be READY for them to step foot on the other side of TSA. The kids wanted Sour Patch kids and I got a cup of coffee. I really needed something to feel normal- and evidently coffee was it. I sat down and tried to keep calm and just focus on the kids. I kept glancing at the arrival board to see if they had come in yet. Nothing was changing. I was getting really anxious. I made Josh check his watch roughly every 3 seconds. My sister was there taking photos and attempting to lighten the mood. Every time she reached over and asked: "aren't you excited?" I wanted to scream- YES- DUH! NOW LET ME BE!! (totally not her fault- I was just a wreck)
I looked up and actually caught my Dad's eye first. I told Sophie that they were here since she was sitting on my lap....I assume that I gently put her down- but I couldn't really tell you. I was in shock and a bomb could have gone off and I wouldn't have noticed. I saw Mom and I couldn't help myself. I yelled- I'M RUNNING! Just to give Mom a heads up so I didn't trample her to death. I reached her and hugged her. Tears just flowed and we held each other for what felt like an hour. I'm sure it was only two or three minutes but I was just soaking it all up. I couldn't let go. I tried to loosen my grip a couple of times and I just couldn't bring myself to let go. Finally- we both let go and looked at each other. All I could muster was- HI. It was the craziest thing. If there was any hesitation (which there wasn't) that we were Mother and daughter- it was gone. There was an overwhelming peaceful feeling that just swept over me. I KNEW without a doubt 100% that this is just as it was meant to be.
I imagined that we looked alike via pictures but nothing could compare to looking her in the face. She was magnificent. We look so much alike that it still catches me off guard. I then turned to Dad and gave him a huge hug. I was smitten. I absolutely without a doubt love my Dad. He didn't have to say a word- I FELT how much he already loved me. It was amazing and unlike anything I have ever felt before. I just stood there and looked at our family and all I could say was- WOW.
I weakly attempted introductions and Josh took over from there- baggage claim, getting to the car- all of the level headed things. We headed to my home to spend some time together. I set about two steps inside of the house and Mom turned around and placed a beautiful opal ring on my finger. It has four oval opals and two tiny diamonds. She told me the significance of this ring. She wore it the entire time she was pregnant with me. She intended to send it off with me when I was born but a week or so before I was born one of the opals fell out and was lost. She didn't have the time or money to fix it so she held onto it. When we reunited she took it in to see if they could fix it and they told her it would take over a month. They had to find a perfect color match and that would take time. She explained the situation to them and within a week- Mom was holding my ring seamlessly fixed. When she slipped it on my hand, it was if it was made JUST for me. It fits me PERFECTLY. No need for any sort of alteration. ***(funny side note. My four year old niece M had told me on the phone: "Nana got you a ring but it's a surprise so I can't tell you about it again" I had no idea what she was talking about but it all came together and made me laugh even harder when I realized what she meant.)***
I sat and showed Mom the photo album of me growing up that I had made for her and Dad. The kids showed them pictures that they had made, they played with Papa- it was just like this was the thousandth time they had been over- not the first. The only thing Duncan wanted on the agenda for Nana and Papa was Happy Donalds. (McDonalds for those of you who dont speak Duncan) We went to lunch, talked some more- it was just easy.
Duncan and I took Nana and Papa to Cafe Rio for dinner and took them to their hotel where they stayed for the first night they were out here. We walked them to their room- and talked some more. Duncan and I returned home somewhere around 10:30- and you would think I would have collapsed- nope! I just was so tickled from the days events that I couldn't sleep- and neither could the kids! We snuggled and laughed (and got in trouble from Daddy). We just laid there and talked about how wonderful it was to have Nana and Papa here.
From there- we just were. We would eat when we wanted, go here and there if we wanted and ALWAYS talking. (I know your shocked....Kristen was talking?!) We talked about everything from favorite foods to our family dynamics to gospel principals and we were able to re-tell "our story" to each and every person we encountered. It was so surreal to tell people- "I would like you to meet my Mom and Dad". I wanted to giggle every time I did. Each one of the older children got to take Nana and Papa somewhere of their choice. I wanted to make sure that they felt a part of what was happening. I also wanted the kids to loosen up and be able to relax and just be themselves.
One of the highlights of their trip was when me and my parents and Katy and her parents were able to sit in one room and talk. It was SO awesome to sit and compare stories and feelings. Our adoptions and our life stories couldn't be more different but the love was exactly the same. The love that I see in Dennis and Frank's eyes for Katy is EXACTLY the way I see the love from my Mom and Dad. There is no manual on how to do this- but between the two families (or one LARGE family) I think we are doing pretty ok. I kept joking that our family tree is starting to resemble a tumble weed. Its hard to explain how we are all related without drawing a diagram :)
We shopped for Katy's 21 birthday present (which Mom went Hog Wild on!), Mom and Dad picked out little things for each grand-kid. We just were a family. It was relaxed and no pressure. We were able to laugh and talk and drool over things for our home that caught our eye. ("projects" is a curse word in our home- and now I know where it came from). Mom and I both have a love for home interiors and making a house a home. Our taste is very similar too. I could tell you step by step what we did and where we went but it would probably cause you to snore. It was just life. Pure, simple, love filled life.
Monday night Dad had to return home to Denver. He had to catch a plane later in the evening to return to his job the next day. I was expecting the kids to be sad but WOW. Poor Sophia just lost it. She was modeling a sweet dress Papa had gotten her and then she found out he had to leave. I have never seen her so devastated. She was doing the "I cant catch my breath" cry. Her only other Grandparents up till now (Jean and Jeff, Arlene and Dave) live less than 5 miles away and have always been around so she was devastated to find out that Nana and Papa live so far away.
Mom and I took Dad to the airport together. It was so sweet. Dad was holding Mom's hand, giving her kisses and whispering sweet nothings the entire time he was here. I cant count the times that he told me- "I sure love your mother". My heart melted each and every time. My Dad is this rough and tough manly man who rides his motorcycle and then he turns to a giant marshmallow around his family. The entire ride to the airport Mom and Dad held hands and told me stories of their newly wed days. They are still madly in love with each other- after 30 years of marriage.
When we dropped Dad off at the airport I just lost it too. I LOVE my Dad and he loves the crap out of me too! We just hugged and cried and we started the countdown to my trip in June. I was on the fence about taking Lyza with me to Colorado in June, but after seeing Dad with his girls, the decision was made for me. I HAD to bring her. Dad would never forgive me if I didn't. After we left Dad, we went and just did some more life stuff. Grabbed some dinner, went grocery shopping. It was so awesome to just BE together. I had thought of taking them here and there around the valley but then I thought- they came to see US, not the new Nordstrom.
Later that week Mom clued me in that the two babies weren't acting like themselves, so we made an appointment to take them to the doctors office. Duncan had the flu and Lyza a sinus infection. It was awesome just to have my moms support when my kids were sick. She went to the doctors office with us, she bought the kids juice boxes...you know- NORMAL stuff. I kept reeling from the simplicity of it all. I must be honest though- It was a strange and amazing adjustment. After the death of my parents I had to come to terms with the fact that I would never have that parental relationship again. I would never have a loving mothers arms around me. It was my job to BE the mom, not to HAVE the mom. It was far beyond my wildest dreams to ever have this type of relationship again. I never could even dream this.
Mom and I went to Katy's birthday party with Sophie and Mom had the opportunity to meet Katy's birth mom and chat. It was a really neat experience. Sophie was castanet dancing around and things just seemed to be as they always were. Mom decided to head home after the dinner. She needed to prepare for my big surprise on Friday and needed to do all the packing she could. The reality that she was leaving in 24 hours hit me hard. I started bawling in the parking lot. I felt like I just had gotten her and now I was already giving her away. It was tough to say goodnight.
Every one around me knew what my big Friday surprise was- except me. All I got was- Your going to LOVE it. I was thinking that my Aunt Juliette was in town, maybe the three of us were going for pedicures or something?! Then Dad wrote me a sketchy text message about sky diving which confused the crud out of me. WHAT COULD IT BE?! I got up, got ready and was still confused as to what the day would bring.
I was nursing Lyza in the front room when Mom showed up Friday morning as normal. She somewhat hesitated when she arrived which I thought was strange. She has been walking into my home every morning for a week- why the hesitation now?! I told her to come on in. I put my self together and sat the baby up and then the mother of all surprises arrived- My brother R, and my sisters M and W walked in my front door. I screamed- no really I did. I just kept screaming- Oh my GOSH!, Oh my GOSH! What are you doing here?! I was SHOCKED. I went over and gave hugs and tried to memorize each one of their faces. I couldn't help but to cry.
We attempted to snap some pictures but I was completely out of it. I was reeling! I NEVER in a thousand years would have imagined my siblings walking in my front door. We sat down and I just stared- Im sure that they were probably weirded out but I couldnt help it. I wanted to just stare into their faces and keep it in my memory and in my heart. Mom told me that this was all their idea. They wanted to ensure that I knew that we were doing this as a family- not just Mom and Dad. They needed me to know that they were all on board.
I had told Mom and Dad multiple times throughout the week that I was more nervous to meet my sibs that I was to meet Mom and Dad. Mom and Dad HAVE to like me- I'm their baby. My sibs could accept me- but I was really concerned about rocking their boat and family structure. There is a difference between just accepting someone and LOVING someone.
They were each just how I imagined them being. R is an amazing big brother (all 6 foot 4 inches and size 14 shoe of him) and really outgoing and what you see is what you get. He has two children and one on the way. Our kids are all about the same age- which is AWESOME. Its so strange to have a brother who is #1 so much like me and #2 in the same place in life. I never could have imagined that we would be so much alike. I was actually told that I am the girl version of R :)
M is just stunning. She is absolutely beautiful inside and out. You just feel calm and at ease just being with her. She is EXACTLY as I pictured her. She and I look NOTHING alike. I look exactly like Mom and she is Dads twin. Her heart and mine couldn't be more alike though. She is very generous and loving. She too is very much....just her. We share the love of books so I lent her a series that I had read hoping that she would enjoy it too. She is artistic and very much a free spirit. I was the most worried about her acceptance- but I couldn't have asked for a more perfect sister.
My baby sister W is sheer perfection. We look the most alike. I was initally kind of taken a back by her shyness but then I remembered- I can be kind of a lot to take in and our situation is a bit heavy- so that would make anyone a bit shy. I instantly fell head over heels for her and found myself completely protective of her. I just wanted to snuggle her to death and never let go. She instantly took to Lyza. Lyza instantly took to her. W let R and M have their turns but then stole her back. I kept teasing her that it was her turn to have one since R and me have our families completed.
We went to In and Out Burger as I had teased Ryan that if he would come to Utah, I would buy him an In and Out Burger. I never thought that he would really come out though. I am a woman of my word- so I did. Katy came down to meet everyone too. It was crazy to sit there and look at all my sibs in one place. Everyone is so individual and unique, but so loving and all on the same page. We took pictures much to some's dismay but I needed them. I knew I would be studying them every day until I saw them again in June. I need to memorize every curve, line and nuance of those photos.
We went shopping and just walked around talking to each and everyone. The shocked feeling started to disappear at that point. We all have the same sense of humor though I think I am kind of the loud one of the bunch- oops. We were able to drive all together- just me and my "new" sibs. I don't think anything could have topped that. We laughed most the time- no heavy stuff- just laughing and having a good time.
We helped Mom take the car back and get all the final stuff packed for their return trip home. We laughed more. We teased each other and it was just as if it had always been this way. R and Mom were arranging the boarding passes while M and W and I got to just chill and talk. I touched on a bit of the heavy stuff and just told them how much I love them and how appreciative of them making this move. I would have made myself crazy with nerves between now and June and now the ice is broken and everyone is on the same page and happy. I just thanked them for their love and support and fought off tears.
We had a bite to eat for dinner and I just found myself staring and feeling at peace and at home. It was like all the pieces to the puzzle just fit. (though I was missing Dad like CRAZY that day) There was no drama, there was no weirdness- just love. We took more pictures :)
Taking everyone to the airport was hard. I struggled to put one foot in front of the other. I didn't want to let any of them go back to their "real lives". I wanted to to kidnap them all and just live in our little happy bubble a little longer. Hugging everyone goodbye and taking pictures was difficult. At one point I said- OK I'm keeping it together....no I'm not- and I just started bawling some more. I saw them off to TSA and took the escalator up. Snapped a few more pictures and bawled. and bawled. and bawled. I was kind of shocked that I made it home in one piece. At one point I couldn't really see from all my crying.
I was crying for so many reasons that I couldn't just pick one. Mainly I was crying because of the miracle in this for everyone. It's undeniable how perfectly this miracle was facilitated from something other than this world. The timing was perfect for each one of the people that were involved. If this even happened a year ago, I wouldn't have been able to handle all of this. I know my sibs and parents feel the same way. I felt so blessed and honored to be part of this family unit that is already AMAZING. I know that God has a plan for me- and its so much bigger and better than I could have ever expected it to be.
I am beyond grateful for each and everyone around me. My family, my friends- everyone. It's amazing to have the support that I do. I couldn't do it without YOU. Yes, you- reading this right now. I am so lucky to have amazing people who love me and are supportive of this miracle in my life. Thank you, to all of you- on this side of life and the other. I feel each of you with me in my heart. I love you. and you. and you. Thank you.
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