The Metamorphosis of Mothers Day

So.....Mothers Day.  Im not gonna lie.  It hasnt always been my favorite thing.   I spent many years crying on it.  The Mother that raised me, Laurel, has a birthday that falls on Mothers Day- as it does on this year....May 13.  Lucky 13.  I have struggled through the change of having a Mom, to being the Mom.  I went through a phase where I thought fanfare would lessen the blow.  It didnt.  I thought that if I simply acted as if it was any other day that it would make the disappointment fade.  It didnt.  The only thing that helped me was time.  That and I recieved the blessing of acceptance.  Once I accepted my reality and quit fighting it, I found peace.

I have not been an advocate of visiting my Mothers grave in the past.  I didn't like the thought of visiting a piece of grass where I knew she wasn't, and feeling sad.  I wanted to do something to celebrate her and remember her without being sad.  It has been a source of contention between Katy and I for many years.  Saturday night we visited the grave together for the first time in six years.  It was beautiful, perfect and happy.  Katy and I sat and reflected on how many blessings and joyous happening have taken place since the last time we sat there together.  We were able to recognize how much we have grown separately and together.  We were able to celebrate our family- and how it means and encompasses SO much more than we could have ever guessed it would have.

I had a great friend of mine speak in church one Mothers Day and he called to ask me what I would speak of if I had the opportunity.  I will never forget our conversation and I will never forget that talk.  So, if you think that your 10 minute talks on Sunday have no bearing on others lives, you are wrong.  The first thing that came to my mind was gratitude.  And no, it wasnt because I wanted acalades for all the hard work that I do the other 364 days of the year.  It was because my mother had past on and I felt that it was important to have gratitude for whatever maternal figure you have- be it a sister, an aunt, a friend- or maybe YOU are the maternal figure.  Be grateful that you can be that figure to someone else or that you have that figure- even if it isnt the conventional MOTHER role.  Its funny, because I wrote about Mothers Day this time last year....(here) I have to smile to see how one short year changes things so immensely.

So circumstances have changed in my life.  I now HAVE a mother....well I guess I always had one- she just found me :)  I have a much deeper gratitude for the mantle of mother now.  I always had a deep reverence and respect for the loving Mother that gave me a life- that gave me the soul and spirit that I have today.  I always knew that she loved me.  I always imagined what she would look like, how she would be, what she would think of me.  I always wondered if there was a burden on her heart on this day because of me or if she felt peace.  I always hoped that she knew I was well....that I was loved, happy, secure and where I was meant to be.  I also had hoped that she would make her way back to me.  She did.

Not in a million years, my wildest dreams or in any other facet of my imagination did I ever imagine that she could be as amazing as she is.  She is not perfect, but she is perfectly HER- and I am SO grateful for that.  I still smile when I pick up the phone and can say- Hey Mom, what are you up to?  It feels so natural, yet so surreal.  It never ceases to amaze me how much God knows our heart.  He knows what we need and when we need it.

I am so beyond blessed to be where I am today.  I know that it is a fleeting moment and it will all change when I wake up tomorrow, but I will relish in it while its here.  Who knows what tomorrow brings, and quite frankly- I'm having too much fun today to worry about tomorrow.