Family Planning

So I have 12 weeks roughly to go till this little one arrives and we couldn't be happier.  This is our third baby and I think the most frequently asked questions that we have heard are 1- What are you having? 2- What are you naming her? 3- Are you done having kids?  It really doesnt bother me anymore.  I really thought that it was nosy in the beginning to ask about our family planning but I understand why people ask.  We are 30, we have adopted an older child and this is our third baby in six years.  Four children by national standards is a large family.  In our highly religious community though, it isn't unheard of to have families of six, eight, ten, or twelve children. 

About a year ago Josh's brother and his wife decided that they were a complete family and made a permanent decision.  That prompted the family planning discussion for Josh and I.  After the traumatic birth of our son, I wasn't sure that I could handle having another baby.  I didn't know if it would be possible to heal those wounds and to have a healthy fear free pregnancy.  In the same token, the thought of completely stopping any and all possibility of future children scared me.  I somewhat panicked and begged him to wait until we both were on the same page.  So we decided to wait.  Cut to the chase...by December we were pregnant again- against what were seemingly staggering odds. 

I know a lot of women that from the moment they conceive that final child, they know that they are done.  Call it a prompting, or a woman's intuition, but they just know.  I did not have this feeling off the bat.  Yes, in the first trimester I swore everyday that this was the LAST time I EVER wanted to be pregnant because of the exhaustion and the severe nausea.  (pay no attention to the fact that I also did this with my first AND second pregnancy)  I didn't feel that way early in the second trimester.  Half way through when we went for our 20 week ultra sound and discovered that it was a girl (a complete shock) it hit me like a ton of bricks that she was the missing piece to our family puzzle. 

Would I call it divine or spiritual?  No, not really.  It was just a complete assurance that washed over me and told me, this was it.  And my reaction shocked even me.  I was sad.  I love the process of becoming a mother almost as much as I love being a mother.  The thought of this being the last pregnancy and the last child I will carry made me sad.  It has also made me cherish every kick, hiccup and even pain.  I look forward to our little girl arriving but I'm in no rush.  She can take her time growing strong and healthy.  I cant wait to meet our little one and to sit surrounded by the full family that we were blessed with.