So its officially a week since my family left. I must admit- I have had a hard time with it. It's hard to feel like I just got them back and then I had to let them go all over again. We are closer than ever. We talk or text or facebook at least once a day. It's all good- I just MISS them. I have officially started the countdown to my trip in June. I am taking Lyza since baby flies free right now (and Im nursing, and I have never been separated from her and I would go insane, etc.) Its 69 days from today in case you were wondering :)
It was hard to get back to "real life" after living what felt like a dream for 8 days. Its been crazy to hear my kids talk about my family as if they were always in our lives...(Uncle R would buy that for me- why wont you? Aunt M has the most beautiful hair- you wouldn't believe it. Aunt W is cute mama, she loves me- huh?!) It's so awesome to think that they have THREE sets (at least) of grandparents now. Gotta love kids :)
Here's hoping that this week will be easier. I know there has to be a balance between missing someone and functioning in real life. Im just trying to figure that one out. Keep your fingers crossed for me. :)
Saturday, March 31, 2012
Beauty dont live here anymore...
Oh! I forgot to post on THIS blog that if you are looking for the beauty "stuff", it has been moved to my new baby project- Budget Beauty Mama! I have gone all in with it. Tips, product recommendations, reviews, what's in my bag/ kit, pictures, information on workshops- you name it- I got it! So mosey on over there if you would like. You can "like" me on Facebook or subscribe through Blogger to get all the up to date fun beauty info! Thanks for your support!!
Sunday, March 25, 2012
Love found its way to Utah
So as you all may or may not know, I recently reunited with my birth mother. (you can click here to find the whole story) We have been chatting for what seems like a lifetime and arrangements were promptly made for my Mom and Dad to fly out. I anxiously awaited, cleaned my house from top to bottom, wrote emails, facebook stalked my brother and sisters....you get the idea. SO- my Mom and Dad flew in on March 16th.
I got up at 5 AM, got myself ready, got my family all ready and packed up to head to the airport. My kids had made signs so that Nana and Papa would know who they were- they were very concerned that they wouldn't know :) Josh drove- thank heavens. I was super calm and ridiculously excited and not a hint of nerves, until we hit Bangeter Highway. Everything just hit me all at once- what if, they don't approve of me, what if they don't like me, what if we just don't click at all, what if I don't fit in with their family unit?! Get the picture? I was a nervous wreck.
We got to the airport early as planned. I wanted to make sure that we were on time and that we would be READY for them to step foot on the other side of TSA. The kids wanted Sour Patch kids and I got a cup of coffee. I really needed something to feel normal- and evidently coffee was it. I sat down and tried to keep calm and just focus on the kids. I kept glancing at the arrival board to see if they had come in yet. Nothing was changing. I was getting really anxious. I made Josh check his watch roughly every 3 seconds. My sister was there taking photos and attempting to lighten the mood. Every time she reached over and asked: "aren't you excited?" I wanted to scream- YES- DUH! NOW LET ME BE!! (totally not her fault- I was just a wreck)
I looked up and actually caught my Dad's eye first. I told Sophie that they were here since she was sitting on my lap....I assume that I gently put her down- but I couldn't really tell you. I was in shock and a bomb could have gone off and I wouldn't have noticed. I saw Mom and I couldn't help myself. I yelled- I'M RUNNING! Just to give Mom a heads up so I didn't trample her to death. I reached her and hugged her. Tears just flowed and we held each other for what felt like an hour. I'm sure it was only two or three minutes but I was just soaking it all up. I couldn't let go. I tried to loosen my grip a couple of times and I just couldn't bring myself to let go. Finally- we both let go and looked at each other. All I could muster was- HI. It was the craziest thing. If there was any hesitation (which there wasn't) that we were Mother and daughter- it was gone. There was an overwhelming peaceful feeling that just swept over me. I KNEW without a doubt 100% that this is just as it was meant to be.
I imagined that we looked alike via pictures but nothing could compare to looking her in the face. She was magnificent. We look so much alike that it still catches me off guard. I then turned to Dad and gave him a huge hug. I was smitten. I absolutely without a doubt love my Dad. He didn't have to say a word- I FELT how much he already loved me. It was amazing and unlike anything I have ever felt before. I just stood there and looked at our family and all I could say was- WOW.
I weakly attempted introductions and Josh took over from there- baggage claim, getting to the car- all of the level headed things. We headed to my home to spend some time together. I set about two steps inside of the house and Mom turned around and placed a beautiful opal ring on my finger. It has four oval opals and two tiny diamonds. She told me the significance of this ring. She wore it the entire time she was pregnant with me. She intended to send it off with me when I was born but a week or so before I was born one of the opals fell out and was lost. She didn't have the time or money to fix it so she held onto it. When we reunited she took it in to see if they could fix it and they told her it would take over a month. They had to find a perfect color match and that would take time. She explained the situation to them and within a week- Mom was holding my ring seamlessly fixed. When she slipped it on my hand, it was if it was made JUST for me. It fits me PERFECTLY. No need for any sort of alteration. ***(funny side note. My four year old niece M had told me on the phone: "Nana got you a ring but it's a surprise so I can't tell you about it again" I had no idea what she was talking about but it all came together and made me laugh even harder when I realized what she meant.)***
I sat and showed Mom the photo album of me growing up that I had made for her and Dad. The kids showed them pictures that they had made, they played with Papa- it was just like this was the thousandth time they had been over- not the first. The only thing Duncan wanted on the agenda for Nana and Papa was Happy Donalds. (McDonalds for those of you who dont speak Duncan) We went to lunch, talked some more- it was just easy.
Duncan and I took Nana and Papa to Cafe Rio for dinner and took them to their hotel where they stayed for the first night they were out here. We walked them to their room- and talked some more. Duncan and I returned home somewhere around 10:30- and you would think I would have collapsed- nope! I just was so tickled from the days events that I couldn't sleep- and neither could the kids! We snuggled and laughed (and got in trouble from Daddy). We just laid there and talked about how wonderful it was to have Nana and Papa here.
From there- we just were. We would eat when we wanted, go here and there if we wanted and ALWAYS talking. (I know your shocked....Kristen was talking?!) We talked about everything from favorite foods to our family dynamics to gospel principals and we were able to re-tell "our story" to each and every person we encountered. It was so surreal to tell people- "I would like you to meet my Mom and Dad". I wanted to giggle every time I did. Each one of the older children got to take Nana and Papa somewhere of their choice. I wanted to make sure that they felt a part of what was happening. I also wanted the kids to loosen up and be able to relax and just be themselves.
One of the highlights of their trip was when me and my parents and Katy and her parents were able to sit in one room and talk. It was SO awesome to sit and compare stories and feelings. Our adoptions and our life stories couldn't be more different but the love was exactly the same. The love that I see in Dennis and Frank's eyes for Katy is EXACTLY the way I see the love from my Mom and Dad. There is no manual on how to do this- but between the two families (or one LARGE family) I think we are doing pretty ok. I kept joking that our family tree is starting to resemble a tumble weed. Its hard to explain how we are all related without drawing a diagram :)
We shopped for Katy's 21 birthday present (which Mom went Hog Wild on!), Mom and Dad picked out little things for each grand-kid. We just were a family. It was relaxed and no pressure. We were able to laugh and talk and drool over things for our home that caught our eye. ("projects" is a curse word in our home- and now I know where it came from). Mom and I both have a love for home interiors and making a house a home. Our taste is very similar too. I could tell you step by step what we did and where we went but it would probably cause you to snore. It was just life. Pure, simple, love filled life.
Monday night Dad had to return home to Denver. He had to catch a plane later in the evening to return to his job the next day. I was expecting the kids to be sad but WOW. Poor Sophia just lost it. She was modeling a sweet dress Papa had gotten her and then she found out he had to leave. I have never seen her so devastated. She was doing the "I cant catch my breath" cry. Her only other Grandparents up till now (Jean and Jeff, Arlene and Dave) live less than 5 miles away and have always been around so she was devastated to find out that Nana and Papa live so far away.
Mom and I took Dad to the airport together. It was so sweet. Dad was holding Mom's hand, giving her kisses and whispering sweet nothings the entire time he was here. I cant count the times that he told me- "I sure love your mother". My heart melted each and every time. My Dad is this rough and tough manly man who rides his motorcycle and then he turns to a giant marshmallow around his family. The entire ride to the airport Mom and Dad held hands and told me stories of their newly wed days. They are still madly in love with each other- after 30 years of marriage.
When we dropped Dad off at the airport I just lost it too. I LOVE my Dad and he loves the crap out of me too! We just hugged and cried and we started the countdown to my trip in June. I was on the fence about taking Lyza with me to Colorado in June, but after seeing Dad with his girls, the decision was made for me. I HAD to bring her. Dad would never forgive me if I didn't. After we left Dad, we went and just did some more life stuff. Grabbed some dinner, went grocery shopping. It was so awesome to just BE together. I had thought of taking them here and there around the valley but then I thought- they came to see US, not the new Nordstrom.
Later that week Mom clued me in that the two babies weren't acting like themselves, so we made an appointment to take them to the doctors office. Duncan had the flu and Lyza a sinus infection. It was awesome just to have my moms support when my kids were sick. She went to the doctors office with us, she bought the kids juice boxes...you know- NORMAL stuff. I kept reeling from the simplicity of it all. I must be honest though- It was a strange and amazing adjustment. After the death of my parents I had to come to terms with the fact that I would never have that parental relationship again. I would never have a loving mothers arms around me. It was my job to BE the mom, not to HAVE the mom. It was far beyond my wildest dreams to ever have this type of relationship again. I never could even dream this.
Mom and I went to Katy's birthday party with Sophie and Mom had the opportunity to meet Katy's birth mom and chat. It was a really neat experience. Sophie was castanet dancing around and things just seemed to be as they always were. Mom decided to head home after the dinner. She needed to prepare for my big surprise on Friday and needed to do all the packing she could. The reality that she was leaving in 24 hours hit me hard. I started bawling in the parking lot. I felt like I just had gotten her and now I was already giving her away. It was tough to say goodnight.
Every one around me knew what my big Friday surprise was- except me. All I got was- Your going to LOVE it. I was thinking that my Aunt Juliette was in town, maybe the three of us were going for pedicures or something?! Then Dad wrote me a sketchy text message about sky diving which confused the crud out of me. WHAT COULD IT BE?! I got up, got ready and was still confused as to what the day would bring.
I was nursing Lyza in the front room when Mom showed up Friday morning as normal. She somewhat hesitated when she arrived which I thought was strange. She has been walking into my home every morning for a week- why the hesitation now?! I told her to come on in. I put my self together and sat the baby up and then the mother of all surprises arrived- My brother R, and my sisters M and W walked in my front door. I screamed- no really I did. I just kept screaming- Oh my GOSH!, Oh my GOSH! What are you doing here?! I was SHOCKED. I went over and gave hugs and tried to memorize each one of their faces. I couldn't help but to cry.
We attempted to snap some pictures but I was completely out of it. I was reeling! I NEVER in a thousand years would have imagined my siblings walking in my front door. We sat down and I just stared- Im sure that they were probably weirded out but I couldnt help it. I wanted to just stare into their faces and keep it in my memory and in my heart. Mom told me that this was all their idea. They wanted to ensure that I knew that we were doing this as a family- not just Mom and Dad. They needed me to know that they were all on board.
I had told Mom and Dad multiple times throughout the week that I was more nervous to meet my sibs that I was to meet Mom and Dad. Mom and Dad HAVE to like me- I'm their baby. My sibs could accept me- but I was really concerned about rocking their boat and family structure. There is a difference between just accepting someone and LOVING someone.
They were each just how I imagined them being. R is an amazing big brother (all 6 foot 4 inches and size 14 shoe of him) and really outgoing and what you see is what you get. He has two children and one on the way. Our kids are all about the same age- which is AWESOME. Its so strange to have a brother who is #1 so much like me and #2 in the same place in life. I never could have imagined that we would be so much alike. I was actually told that I am the girl version of R :)
M is just stunning. She is absolutely beautiful inside and out. You just feel calm and at ease just being with her. She is EXACTLY as I pictured her. She and I look NOTHING alike. I look exactly like Mom and she is Dads twin. Her heart and mine couldn't be more alike though. She is very generous and loving. She too is very much....just her. We share the love of books so I lent her a series that I had read hoping that she would enjoy it too. She is artistic and very much a free spirit. I was the most worried about her acceptance- but I couldn't have asked for a more perfect sister.
My baby sister W is sheer perfection. We look the most alike. I was initally kind of taken a back by her shyness but then I remembered- I can be kind of a lot to take in and our situation is a bit heavy- so that would make anyone a bit shy. I instantly fell head over heels for her and found myself completely protective of her. I just wanted to snuggle her to death and never let go. She instantly took to Lyza. Lyza instantly took to her. W let R and M have their turns but then stole her back. I kept teasing her that it was her turn to have one since R and me have our families completed.
We went to In and Out Burger as I had teased Ryan that if he would come to Utah, I would buy him an In and Out Burger. I never thought that he would really come out though. I am a woman of my word- so I did. Katy came down to meet everyone too. It was crazy to sit there and look at all my sibs in one place. Everyone is so individual and unique, but so loving and all on the same page. We took pictures much to some's dismay but I needed them. I knew I would be studying them every day until I saw them again in June. I need to memorize every curve, line and nuance of those photos.
We went shopping and just walked around talking to each and everyone. The shocked feeling started to disappear at that point. We all have the same sense of humor though I think I am kind of the loud one of the bunch- oops. We were able to drive all together- just me and my "new" sibs. I don't think anything could have topped that. We laughed most the time- no heavy stuff- just laughing and having a good time.
We helped Mom take the car back and get all the final stuff packed for their return trip home. We laughed more. We teased each other and it was just as if it had always been this way. R and Mom were arranging the boarding passes while M and W and I got to just chill and talk. I touched on a bit of the heavy stuff and just told them how much I love them and how appreciative of them making this move. I would have made myself crazy with nerves between now and June and now the ice is broken and everyone is on the same page and happy. I just thanked them for their love and support and fought off tears.
We had a bite to eat for dinner and I just found myself staring and feeling at peace and at home. It was like all the pieces to the puzzle just fit. (though I was missing Dad like CRAZY that day) There was no drama, there was no weirdness- just love. We took more pictures :)
Taking everyone to the airport was hard. I struggled to put one foot in front of the other. I didn't want to let any of them go back to their "real lives". I wanted to to kidnap them all and just live in our little happy bubble a little longer. Hugging everyone goodbye and taking pictures was difficult. At one point I said- OK I'm keeping it together....no I'm not- and I just started bawling some more. I saw them off to TSA and took the escalator up. Snapped a few more pictures and bawled. and bawled. and bawled. I was kind of shocked that I made it home in one piece. At one point I couldn't really see from all my crying.
I was crying for so many reasons that I couldn't just pick one. Mainly I was crying because of the miracle in this for everyone. It's undeniable how perfectly this miracle was facilitated from something other than this world. The timing was perfect for each one of the people that were involved. If this even happened a year ago, I wouldn't have been able to handle all of this. I know my sibs and parents feel the same way. I felt so blessed and honored to be part of this family unit that is already AMAZING. I know that God has a plan for me- and its so much bigger and better than I could have ever expected it to be.
I am beyond grateful for each and everyone around me. My family, my friends- everyone. It's amazing to have the support that I do. I couldn't do it without YOU. Yes, you- reading this right now. I am so lucky to have amazing people who love me and are supportive of this miracle in my life. Thank you, to all of you- on this side of life and the other. I feel each of you with me in my heart. I love you. and you. and you. Thank you.
I got up at 5 AM, got myself ready, got my family all ready and packed up to head to the airport. My kids had made signs so that Nana and Papa would know who they were- they were very concerned that they wouldn't know :) Josh drove- thank heavens. I was super calm and ridiculously excited and not a hint of nerves, until we hit Bangeter Highway. Everything just hit me all at once- what if, they don't approve of me, what if they don't like me, what if we just don't click at all, what if I don't fit in with their family unit?! Get the picture? I was a nervous wreck.
We got to the airport early as planned. I wanted to make sure that we were on time and that we would be READY for them to step foot on the other side of TSA. The kids wanted Sour Patch kids and I got a cup of coffee. I really needed something to feel normal- and evidently coffee was it. I sat down and tried to keep calm and just focus on the kids. I kept glancing at the arrival board to see if they had come in yet. Nothing was changing. I was getting really anxious. I made Josh check his watch roughly every 3 seconds. My sister was there taking photos and attempting to lighten the mood. Every time she reached over and asked: "aren't you excited?" I wanted to scream- YES- DUH! NOW LET ME BE!! (totally not her fault- I was just a wreck)
I looked up and actually caught my Dad's eye first. I told Sophie that they were here since she was sitting on my lap....I assume that I gently put her down- but I couldn't really tell you. I was in shock and a bomb could have gone off and I wouldn't have noticed. I saw Mom and I couldn't help myself. I yelled- I'M RUNNING! Just to give Mom a heads up so I didn't trample her to death. I reached her and hugged her. Tears just flowed and we held each other for what felt like an hour. I'm sure it was only two or three minutes but I was just soaking it all up. I couldn't let go. I tried to loosen my grip a couple of times and I just couldn't bring myself to let go. Finally- we both let go and looked at each other. All I could muster was- HI. It was the craziest thing. If there was any hesitation (which there wasn't) that we were Mother and daughter- it was gone. There was an overwhelming peaceful feeling that just swept over me. I KNEW without a doubt 100% that this is just as it was meant to be.
I imagined that we looked alike via pictures but nothing could compare to looking her in the face. She was magnificent. We look so much alike that it still catches me off guard. I then turned to Dad and gave him a huge hug. I was smitten. I absolutely without a doubt love my Dad. He didn't have to say a word- I FELT how much he already loved me. It was amazing and unlike anything I have ever felt before. I just stood there and looked at our family and all I could say was- WOW.
I weakly attempted introductions and Josh took over from there- baggage claim, getting to the car- all of the level headed things. We headed to my home to spend some time together. I set about two steps inside of the house and Mom turned around and placed a beautiful opal ring on my finger. It has four oval opals and two tiny diamonds. She told me the significance of this ring. She wore it the entire time she was pregnant with me. She intended to send it off with me when I was born but a week or so before I was born one of the opals fell out and was lost. She didn't have the time or money to fix it so she held onto it. When we reunited she took it in to see if they could fix it and they told her it would take over a month. They had to find a perfect color match and that would take time. She explained the situation to them and within a week- Mom was holding my ring seamlessly fixed. When she slipped it on my hand, it was if it was made JUST for me. It fits me PERFECTLY. No need for any sort of alteration. ***(funny side note. My four year old niece M had told me on the phone: "Nana got you a ring but it's a surprise so I can't tell you about it again" I had no idea what she was talking about but it all came together and made me laugh even harder when I realized what she meant.)***
I sat and showed Mom the photo album of me growing up that I had made for her and Dad. The kids showed them pictures that they had made, they played with Papa- it was just like this was the thousandth time they had been over- not the first. The only thing Duncan wanted on the agenda for Nana and Papa was Happy Donalds. (McDonalds for those of you who dont speak Duncan) We went to lunch, talked some more- it was just easy.
Duncan and I took Nana and Papa to Cafe Rio for dinner and took them to their hotel where they stayed for the first night they were out here. We walked them to their room- and talked some more. Duncan and I returned home somewhere around 10:30- and you would think I would have collapsed- nope! I just was so tickled from the days events that I couldn't sleep- and neither could the kids! We snuggled and laughed (and got in trouble from Daddy). We just laid there and talked about how wonderful it was to have Nana and Papa here.
From there- we just were. We would eat when we wanted, go here and there if we wanted and ALWAYS talking. (I know your shocked....Kristen was talking?!) We talked about everything from favorite foods to our family dynamics to gospel principals and we were able to re-tell "our story" to each and every person we encountered. It was so surreal to tell people- "I would like you to meet my Mom and Dad". I wanted to giggle every time I did. Each one of the older children got to take Nana and Papa somewhere of their choice. I wanted to make sure that they felt a part of what was happening. I also wanted the kids to loosen up and be able to relax and just be themselves.
One of the highlights of their trip was when me and my parents and Katy and her parents were able to sit in one room and talk. It was SO awesome to sit and compare stories and feelings. Our adoptions and our life stories couldn't be more different but the love was exactly the same. The love that I see in Dennis and Frank's eyes for Katy is EXACTLY the way I see the love from my Mom and Dad. There is no manual on how to do this- but between the two families (or one LARGE family) I think we are doing pretty ok. I kept joking that our family tree is starting to resemble a tumble weed. Its hard to explain how we are all related without drawing a diagram :)
We shopped for Katy's 21 birthday present (which Mom went Hog Wild on!), Mom and Dad picked out little things for each grand-kid. We just were a family. It was relaxed and no pressure. We were able to laugh and talk and drool over things for our home that caught our eye. ("projects" is a curse word in our home- and now I know where it came from). Mom and I both have a love for home interiors and making a house a home. Our taste is very similar too. I could tell you step by step what we did and where we went but it would probably cause you to snore. It was just life. Pure, simple, love filled life.
Monday night Dad had to return home to Denver. He had to catch a plane later in the evening to return to his job the next day. I was expecting the kids to be sad but WOW. Poor Sophia just lost it. She was modeling a sweet dress Papa had gotten her and then she found out he had to leave. I have never seen her so devastated. She was doing the "I cant catch my breath" cry. Her only other Grandparents up till now (Jean and Jeff, Arlene and Dave) live less than 5 miles away and have always been around so she was devastated to find out that Nana and Papa live so far away.
Mom and I took Dad to the airport together. It was so sweet. Dad was holding Mom's hand, giving her kisses and whispering sweet nothings the entire time he was here. I cant count the times that he told me- "I sure love your mother". My heart melted each and every time. My Dad is this rough and tough manly man who rides his motorcycle and then he turns to a giant marshmallow around his family. The entire ride to the airport Mom and Dad held hands and told me stories of their newly wed days. They are still madly in love with each other- after 30 years of marriage.
When we dropped Dad off at the airport I just lost it too. I LOVE my Dad and he loves the crap out of me too! We just hugged and cried and we started the countdown to my trip in June. I was on the fence about taking Lyza with me to Colorado in June, but after seeing Dad with his girls, the decision was made for me. I HAD to bring her. Dad would never forgive me if I didn't. After we left Dad, we went and just did some more life stuff. Grabbed some dinner, went grocery shopping. It was so awesome to just BE together. I had thought of taking them here and there around the valley but then I thought- they came to see US, not the new Nordstrom.
Later that week Mom clued me in that the two babies weren't acting like themselves, so we made an appointment to take them to the doctors office. Duncan had the flu and Lyza a sinus infection. It was awesome just to have my moms support when my kids were sick. She went to the doctors office with us, she bought the kids juice boxes...you know- NORMAL stuff. I kept reeling from the simplicity of it all. I must be honest though- It was a strange and amazing adjustment. After the death of my parents I had to come to terms with the fact that I would never have that parental relationship again. I would never have a loving mothers arms around me. It was my job to BE the mom, not to HAVE the mom. It was far beyond my wildest dreams to ever have this type of relationship again. I never could even dream this.
Mom and I went to Katy's birthday party with Sophie and Mom had the opportunity to meet Katy's birth mom and chat. It was a really neat experience. Sophie was castanet dancing around and things just seemed to be as they always were. Mom decided to head home after the dinner. She needed to prepare for my big surprise on Friday and needed to do all the packing she could. The reality that she was leaving in 24 hours hit me hard. I started bawling in the parking lot. I felt like I just had gotten her and now I was already giving her away. It was tough to say goodnight.
Every one around me knew what my big Friday surprise was- except me. All I got was- Your going to LOVE it. I was thinking that my Aunt Juliette was in town, maybe the three of us were going for pedicures or something?! Then Dad wrote me a sketchy text message about sky diving which confused the crud out of me. WHAT COULD IT BE?! I got up, got ready and was still confused as to what the day would bring.
I was nursing Lyza in the front room when Mom showed up Friday morning as normal. She somewhat hesitated when she arrived which I thought was strange. She has been walking into my home every morning for a week- why the hesitation now?! I told her to come on in. I put my self together and sat the baby up and then the mother of all surprises arrived- My brother R, and my sisters M and W walked in my front door. I screamed- no really I did. I just kept screaming- Oh my GOSH!, Oh my GOSH! What are you doing here?! I was SHOCKED. I went over and gave hugs and tried to memorize each one of their faces. I couldn't help but to cry.
We attempted to snap some pictures but I was completely out of it. I was reeling! I NEVER in a thousand years would have imagined my siblings walking in my front door. We sat down and I just stared- Im sure that they were probably weirded out but I couldnt help it. I wanted to just stare into their faces and keep it in my memory and in my heart. Mom told me that this was all their idea. They wanted to ensure that I knew that we were doing this as a family- not just Mom and Dad. They needed me to know that they were all on board.
I had told Mom and Dad multiple times throughout the week that I was more nervous to meet my sibs that I was to meet Mom and Dad. Mom and Dad HAVE to like me- I'm their baby. My sibs could accept me- but I was really concerned about rocking their boat and family structure. There is a difference between just accepting someone and LOVING someone.
They were each just how I imagined them being. R is an amazing big brother (all 6 foot 4 inches and size 14 shoe of him) and really outgoing and what you see is what you get. He has two children and one on the way. Our kids are all about the same age- which is AWESOME. Its so strange to have a brother who is #1 so much like me and #2 in the same place in life. I never could have imagined that we would be so much alike. I was actually told that I am the girl version of R :)
M is just stunning. She is absolutely beautiful inside and out. You just feel calm and at ease just being with her. She is EXACTLY as I pictured her. She and I look NOTHING alike. I look exactly like Mom and she is Dads twin. Her heart and mine couldn't be more alike though. She is very generous and loving. She too is very much....just her. We share the love of books so I lent her a series that I had read hoping that she would enjoy it too. She is artistic and very much a free spirit. I was the most worried about her acceptance- but I couldn't have asked for a more perfect sister.
My baby sister W is sheer perfection. We look the most alike. I was initally kind of taken a back by her shyness but then I remembered- I can be kind of a lot to take in and our situation is a bit heavy- so that would make anyone a bit shy. I instantly fell head over heels for her and found myself completely protective of her. I just wanted to snuggle her to death and never let go. She instantly took to Lyza. Lyza instantly took to her. W let R and M have their turns but then stole her back. I kept teasing her that it was her turn to have one since R and me have our families completed.
We went to In and Out Burger as I had teased Ryan that if he would come to Utah, I would buy him an In and Out Burger. I never thought that he would really come out though. I am a woman of my word- so I did. Katy came down to meet everyone too. It was crazy to sit there and look at all my sibs in one place. Everyone is so individual and unique, but so loving and all on the same page. We took pictures much to some's dismay but I needed them. I knew I would be studying them every day until I saw them again in June. I need to memorize every curve, line and nuance of those photos.
We went shopping and just walked around talking to each and everyone. The shocked feeling started to disappear at that point. We all have the same sense of humor though I think I am kind of the loud one of the bunch- oops. We were able to drive all together- just me and my "new" sibs. I don't think anything could have topped that. We laughed most the time- no heavy stuff- just laughing and having a good time.
We helped Mom take the car back and get all the final stuff packed for their return trip home. We laughed more. We teased each other and it was just as if it had always been this way. R and Mom were arranging the boarding passes while M and W and I got to just chill and talk. I touched on a bit of the heavy stuff and just told them how much I love them and how appreciative of them making this move. I would have made myself crazy with nerves between now and June and now the ice is broken and everyone is on the same page and happy. I just thanked them for their love and support and fought off tears.
We had a bite to eat for dinner and I just found myself staring and feeling at peace and at home. It was like all the pieces to the puzzle just fit. (though I was missing Dad like CRAZY that day) There was no drama, there was no weirdness- just love. We took more pictures :)
Taking everyone to the airport was hard. I struggled to put one foot in front of the other. I didn't want to let any of them go back to their "real lives". I wanted to to kidnap them all and just live in our little happy bubble a little longer. Hugging everyone goodbye and taking pictures was difficult. At one point I said- OK I'm keeping it together....no I'm not- and I just started bawling some more. I saw them off to TSA and took the escalator up. Snapped a few more pictures and bawled. and bawled. and bawled. I was kind of shocked that I made it home in one piece. At one point I couldn't really see from all my crying.
I was crying for so many reasons that I couldn't just pick one. Mainly I was crying because of the miracle in this for everyone. It's undeniable how perfectly this miracle was facilitated from something other than this world. The timing was perfect for each one of the people that were involved. If this even happened a year ago, I wouldn't have been able to handle all of this. I know my sibs and parents feel the same way. I felt so blessed and honored to be part of this family unit that is already AMAZING. I know that God has a plan for me- and its so much bigger and better than I could have ever expected it to be.
I am beyond grateful for each and everyone around me. My family, my friends- everyone. It's amazing to have the support that I do. I couldn't do it without YOU. Yes, you- reading this right now. I am so lucky to have amazing people who love me and are supportive of this miracle in my life. Thank you, to all of you- on this side of life and the other. I feel each of you with me in my heart. I love you. and you. and you. Thank you.
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