So my New Years Resolution was to focus on my health. I wanted to lose weight and get healthy for myself and my kidos. Well, as of today, I have lost over 100 lbs and I feel awesome! I still have my days where I am so tired that I cant imagine running or pilates, but I still do it, and boy is it paying off. I have been really blessed this year that in spite of all the big changes health wise, that I am still doing quite well.

What a hard day

I have spent more time crying today than I have in a long time. When do you know when its enough? When you have given enough? When you are trying hard enough? All I know if I feel like I am killing myself for the kids that I watch and trying to make good decisions for their benefit. Unfortunately, they dont feel the same. I had a falling out with one parent and its triggered another to pull their children. I understand this as they are related. What I dont understand is why people feel the need to be cruel about it. Their kids have been coming to my house for a year and all has been well as far as I knew. Then I hear that the kids dont feel safe or happy here and havent for a long time. What the heck? First of all, why wasnt I notified when this began, and secondly, why rather than trying to work things out, are they just pulling their kids out with no notice? Frustrating. Bah, I wonder if I just need to pull emotion out of this and think of it as a business transaction. Feeling like a piece of crap tonight.

Here comes the cold!

I have never been one to like the heat, but after loosing 50+ lbs, I freeze all the time. I am loving this 80 temps because I dont have to wear five layers a day. Well, it looks like the cold is upon us. Here comes the cool temps and all of the holiday craziness. I LOVE the holidays, really I do. I have found that in the last few years, I grow tired of all of the commercialism and the obligatory things that we are expected to do. We have to go to family parties on each side of the family which can range from two to six parties, then you have the work parties, the church parties, the school parties. Phew, just typing that made me exhausted. My goal this year is to be quite decerning about the event that we attend. I want to choose to go to things rather than feeling forced. I also want to be able to take it easy for the holidays. I want to be able to relax and enjoy them. I hope that you all do too!

I should never read magazines.....

So as a lazy Sunday after noon goes, this one was great....kinda. The kids were sleeping and I decided to catch up on my magazine subscriptions today. I went through InStyle cover to cover in about an hour and then followed up with Family Circle.

I dove into InStyle head first. About five minutes into it, I realize that number one, two thirds of the magazine are just advertisements, and number two, they all make me sad. Sad because, after two kids, there is no way under the sun that I would look like Scarlett Johansen and also because in the economy that we are in right now, why on earth do these magazines encourage women to spend $1400 on a pair of Christian Loubiton heels or $5000 on a Marc Jacobs handbag?? Then you turn to the articles of celebrity interviews, telling people how glamorous and delightful their lives are. Yeah, I really can just jet off to St Tropez like Drew Barymore. You then turn to the helpful hints and trend section. Keep in mind, all the helpful hints are geared at making you spend money to look glamorous and red carpet ready. Yes, because I, mother of two, need to look red carpet ready while taking a trip to the local Walmart. What ever happened to being cute and stylish, and making things for the real woman?

So after an hour of frustration, I turned to the Family Circle. I thought to myself, yes, this is a real mom's magazine with things that I can relate too. Ahh, I open the pages to find an article detailing how I am failing my kids by not quilting with them, another talking about younger children becoming more sexually active, and step by step directions on how to wear outfits from day to night. I close this magazine about 20 minutes into it feeling like I have failed my children, I'm under-prepared for "the sex talk" that I will need to have in ten years and thinking that the only day to night clothes that I own are scrubs, since I can do all my kid stuff in them and you can also wear them as pajamas.

Then I had to take a look introspectively and think about what just occurred in the last 90 minutes. The media has become so prevalent in pushing this agenda on us, that you forget sometimes how bad it really is. Buy more than you can afford, do it all or your not the perfect mother, oh, and don't forget to look like Heidi freaking Klum while doing it. Wow, this is not reality. And really, can you find real reality anywhere in the media anymore? Watching television, there is a "reality" show called the bachelor. Since when is it reality that 25 women fight over one man and he takes them to Spain?? You listen to the radio and its filled with pop music talking about things that I cannot relate to. (I'm a slave for you?!) And then there is news and magazines. They are full of half truths, convenient truths, and out and out lies.

It made me re-promise to myself that I will stay focused on MY reality. My family, my friends, my business- these are my reality. I wish that as a community we could all stay focused on the real things in life and not get distracted by what others tell you is reality.

I'm officially off my soap box.

Two in one day?!

So I went from writing nothing for a very long time to two posts in one day? Wow, I MUST feel guilty about it. Actually, I just thought that I would post some recent photos of the kids. We went to the park today with camera in tow and decided to play. Can you believe my baby girl is four and starting school next year?!
Duncan is twenty one months now and I just cant seem to keep up with him. He is into everything all the time. I seriously cant turn my back on him for one second or he has dumped something out, torn something up, chewed up and spit something out, you get the gist.

Its been a while

So I have very obviously been slacking in my blogging. April, seriously?? That was the last time I posted anything?! Geez... So I have been influenced by Oprah and I thought that I would list my favorite things. Here goes nothing- and really, I should be getting paid for these kind of endorsements. I'm kind of a big deal....kidding.

*Clairsonic Facial Brush- Its made by the people who make the sonicare toothbrushes. So imagine using a HUGE toothbrush all over your face. Oh wait, that doesn't sound enticing at all. Its amazing though. Really.

*IPOD- I recently purchased myself an IPOD touch. Please keep in mind that this is the first and only IPOD that I have purchased for myself. I have purchased THREE for my sister. I always thought that it was quite the luxury item, but now that I have one, I'm not really sure how I ever survived without one. I have my schedule, phone book, pictures, internet access and music in the pal of my hand.

*Jack's Mannequin- Quite possibly one of the best bands around. I have literally followed them around the country to see them play. OK- some might call it stalking, I call it a very devoted fan. In fact, Katy is taking me to Denver to see them for my birthday!

*Adult Gummy Vitamins- I have to take a slew of vitamins on a daily basis and I have always just taken a chewable multi as the big horsepill ones upset my stomach. Josh discovered adult gummy vitamins at Costco and they make me happy :)

*Good Quality Sheets- I am a bargain hunter. In fact, I refuse to pay full price for just about anything. I have always just purchased bargain sheets, neglecting to watch thread count. I stumbled across a pair of sheets on overstock.com that changed my life. They are 800 thread count brushed cotton sheets. I seriously don't know if I have ever slept better. Me loves them.

*Funny blogs- In the few small quiet moments, its nice to be able to turn to something funny to keep your spirits up and laughing. I stumbled on this blog and I thought that it was simply too funny. cakewrecks.blogspot.com/ Check it out!!

*Old Navy- With two kids under 5, a husband and a Katy to shop for, it can get pretty pricey. That's why I LOVE Old Navy. Cute stuff, affordable, decent quality- I love it! AND they have warm cute Halloween costumes for the kids!

*Scrub pants- I live in scrubs. I sleep in them, lounge in them, go to the store in them- I love them. They wash well, they don't wrinkle. If it wasn't for scrubs, I would actually have to get ready in the morning, and where is the fun in that?!

*Hummus- who knew mashed up beans could be so delightful. I dip veggies in it, nut crackers- its comforting and super healthy!

Sometimes I think that its just fun to tell people about great stuff in your life! Tell me what yours is. Next blog to come, what are people thinking!?

Spring is here!!

Sophie has started soccer! She is SO excited to play on a team. She is used to playing in the backyard with daddy, so this is a new experience! She is playing with her two best buddies Madison and Olivia. It's SOO funny to watch the kids her age to kick the ball around and to try to be aggressive. Its hilarious to watch them run around, not really clear where to go!! I'm sure that more pictures are to come!

Other than that, spring is such fun with the kids! Even if its just getting out to the park for a picnic, kids think its the greatest day ever. Its nice to be able to meet someone else's expectations every once and a while! (even if it is a three year old!) We have been going on a lot of "field trips" now that the weather is warming up. We took the kids to Wheeler Farm last week. If you haven't been lately, you should! I forgot how much fun the farm is! The kids LOVED the animals (especially the turkeys!)

Graduation is quickly approaching for Katy! I cant even believe it!! Only five weeks until she is no longer in High School. She got her itinerary for her trip to Europe this week and let me tell you, I am super jealous. They are going on an amazing trip!!

I love spring because its like a clean start (with crabgrass). I love to garden, work on my flower beds and as crazy at it sounds, I love to cut the grass! I'm just looking forward to getting out there and making the yard my little outdoor haven. We have plans to put in our fence this year! I cant wait to have a bit more privacy! I just love spring!!

Buzz Buzz, go the bees!!

So March was lovely. Busy, busy, busy, but lovely none the less. I got the bathroom remodel most of the way done. Now I just have to save some $$ to do the tile and it will all be done. We celebrated Katy turning EIGHTEEN!! I cant believe it. Even though she is my sister, I feel like I'm losing a kid. I am so proud of her and the choices that she has made in her life. She is such a mature, wise and beautiful woman and an example to me what a daughter of God really is. I started crying at dinner on her birthday, and I didn't stop crying for 24 hours!!

Katy got her flight plans for Europe!! She leaves June 13th! I am so excited for her to set out on this adventure. I know that it will be a growing and learning experience for her. Not to mention, I am SUPER jealous and want to go!! She is equipped with her IPOD full of the tour info and a digital camera!

Duncan is walking! He has fully committed to walking (finally). He is still a tiny little squirt, so it looks kind of funny, but I'm so proud of him!! He is growing up so quickly and I wonder where do the days go?? He has started saying words. They are simple ones like mama, dada, no, yes, and such but its surreal to have TWO kids who are talking, walking and reminding me that I have to take advantage of every moment. Sophie is getting older and sassier as the days pass. Her new favorite phrases are "I'm SO over that" and "Pu-lees mom, I'm a big girl!" I don't know where the spunk comes from :) I blame Katy.

Ahhhh....the lovely hiccups of life

So yesterday after a scary time where Duncan was struggling to breath, we took him in to find out that he has both Croup and RSV- AGAIN!? I didn't think that they could get RSV twice. I was wrong. I guess since he got it once, his lungs are weak and they are more susceptible to respiratory viruses. After a round of steroids, he is feeling much better today.

I also found out that I have to start my entire presurgical diet all over again. The diet that I had done with my PCP was not detailed enough and thus my insurance threw it would and I have to start all over again. So this means that I am doing it through the clinic this time and its only three months rather than six. That's some silver lining. So, we are looking at the summer time now. Oh well. Such is life.

On the bright side....Katy's trip to Europe is approaching so quickly! I cant believe that in less than three months, she will be eighteen, graduated from high school and off to Europe. Its so surreal. She is my baby sis. She isn't supposed to be this grown up! At least I know that she is an awesome young woman with a strong head on her shoulders. Now what to do for a birthday party???

Coming or Going?!

So I thought that once the holidays were over, I would have an immense amount of time on my hands to do all of the things that I put off in November, December. WRONG! I swear, I cant tell if I am coming or going lately. Between daycare, housekeeping (I use that term very loosely). running errands, paying bills, trying to squeeze some family time in, exercise, church obligations, phew! I'm spinning! I know that its the blessing and curse of mother hood and as I sit here typing trying to gather my thoughts, I'm looking around asking myself, when the last time I dusted was. Hopeless!

On the upswing, Josh and I have found some great small moments with the kids lately. We took the kids to McDonald's and let them play at the play land. I don't think that I could ever get sick of watching the happy looks on their faces. I also did two miles in a record time for me!! I was thrilled! I am so happy that we got the treadmill. It was the best thing that we did for our health. I only have to do four miles on Saturday.....I'm honestly not so confident but I think that I can do it!?

I just am pondering how our mothers balanced it all? I never looked at my mother and said, wow- you are completely overwhelmed and incapable. I just have no idea how my mom did it all. But she did. I hope that my kids aren't thinking that I'm a freak because I cant handle it all. I'm sure they are though. Ah, and the scarring begins.

SOOO Tired

I dont know if its just the time of year, the fact that I chase five to seven kids around every day, or just being a mom in general but I have been SO tired lately. I feel like I just have no energy to get up and do what I need to do. On the up swing, I got my final letter of recommendation from my primary care physician for my surgery! I am so excited ( and terrified! ) I look forward to seeing what new changes will come in my life.

Duncan is taking steps. I wouldnt say that he is walking, but he is taking steps. I dont know if I am excited or scared! He is already a tazmanian devil without being THAT mobile! Heaven help me. Sophie is so awesome. She just gets more out going and funny every day!!

Nine to go!!

OK, so my weight loss has sloooowed down quite a bit, but I guess thats to be expected. On the upswing, I am loosing inches! Josh bought me a treadmill and I love, love, love it!! I love to work out but there has always been an excuse. Now its in the basement, not like I really have one now.

Things are just going, going, going right now and I love it but I am feeling the effects of it. I have been worn out the last two weekends and I have been sick with a cold and a stomach bug. If I am going to push myself this hard, I have to take care of myself equally and thats hard I find. So the daycare is in full effect and hoppin, but let me tell you, Pfew, they take it out of me some days. There isnt much fighting, that Sophie isnt involved in. She is kind of a stink like that. She doesnt like to share mommy. Who does?

New Year, New Begining

Happy New Year! It is New Years Day 2009- I cant even believe it. I remember my mom telling me how fast time goes by but I never really believed her- until now. Duncan celebrated his FIRST birthday! I cant believe he is already one. It makes me sad in a way. He is supposed to be my baby- and he isn't any more. He is growing and learning so fast! If only we could get him to gain some weight....The doctor told us at his 1 year check up that there is no such thing as a zero percentile, but if there was one, Duncan would be in it. SO- I really have to try to fatten him up. If only I could just donate some of mine to him.

I have really taken noticed to the fact that Sophie is very grown up and very smart. I need to embrace that and nurture that, but also ensure that she gets to be a kid. I don't want to be a mom that is throwing her into everything because I think she will do well in everything. Take it a day at a time. She is so anxious for preschool and daycare to start back up on Monday. I must admit, I am too! I love having the consistency in a day, a routine, the TV off. It just keeps me SOO busy!!

The New Year is a great time for reflection on the progress that we have made in the last year. Its a really good time to see if there are changes or goals that we need to make. There is a lot to reflect on for me this year. I really want to focus on being IN THE MOMENT for my family. I get so wrapped up in whats going on tomorrow, next week, next payday, that I forget to enjoy right now. I also want this to be the year that my health gets back on track- no matter what that looks like. I hate to call them resolutions, but I guess that's what they are. Anyway, I hope that the next twelve months are happy and healthy for all! Happy New Year!