Mommy guilt

I have had the lovely trials of mommy guilt since before my little Sophie was even welcomed into this world.  I gained a lot of weight, mostly due to poor eating choices.  But when you have been throwing up non stop for three months and the only thing that sounds good is french fries- I say go for it!  I still had guilt for feeding my growing baby fried potatoes rather than....a banana.  Then she was born.  I struggled with breast feeding for a few months and when the post pardum depression got real bad, I quit.  Thus, adding to the mommy guilt.  Then the six weeks of maternity leave was up and I had to leave her.  Even though I had the worlds greatest daycare provider, the guilt multiplied.  And so I was walking around with a three month old baby already feeling like the worlds biggest failure and worst mother on record.

I am now in a completely different place of my life.  I have two young children and expecting a third.  I am a stay at home daycare provider, so I have the luxury of staying home with my children and a couple more all day, everyday.  Now I experience mommy guilt for completely different reasons.  Because I watch other peoples wonderful kids, I see the mommy guilt when they are dropped off every morning.  I have mommy guilt for letting my kids have an oreo before breakfast.  And as completely excited as we are to welcome a new one into our growing family, I feel guilty that my two older children will feel left out. 

Motherhood is all about finding a balance, and part of that is balancing your mommy guilt.  I am secure that I am home with my kids all day and that they know I'm here for them.  On the other hand, I feel it necessary to try to expand their horizons in as many different ways as possible since they are home all day.  What may be balance for one mom may be completely un-doable for another.  I think the biggest contributing factor to mommy guilt it watching other mommies who appear to have it all together despite harder trials, more children, or seem to make it all appear so very easy.  Why do we do it to ourselves? 

Living in the highest anti-depression prescribed state in the nation makes me wonder do any of us really have it together or is life about just making everyday as good as possible and trying harder then next day?  I feel like turning 30 has liberated me as a mom.  I have become confident in the choices that I make for me and my kids.  I have quit comparing myself to the other seemingly perfect moms that I see all around me.  I quit listening to the criticisms that I hear from "friends" and family.  Doing these three things have made motherhood a much more enjoyable experience for me.  Is this the golden key to happiness?  For me- yeah, it sure helps.  For you or for other people- couldn't tell you.  I just hope that we can all just cut ourselves some slack and remember why we wanted to have kids to begin with.