Wow, I promise this isn't the real me....

I worked in an office environment with my first two pregnancies.  I went to work sick, uncomfortable and hot.  While at work I had to deal with stupid clients and stupid co workers who made equally stupid comments.  (ie- wow, you look ready to pop!, gotta love that pregnancy appetite!, are you sure your not having twins?!)  Those of you who know me know that I tend to be pretty outspoken by nature.  I still try to maintain civility but I will let you know when a boundary has been crossed.  Well, combine the discomfort of the last trimester with my inability to deal with other people's stupidity and let me tell you- it wasn't pretty.  What little bit of a "filter" I had on my mouth was GONE by 32 weeks. 

I actually came back from maternity leave after 8 weeks to have people comment- "Wow, your....nice?!"  The poor things had been hired during my last trimester so they had never known anything that the horrible beast I evolved into in my last trimester.   I felt really horrible after the fact.  I couldn't take back my behavior for the last three months.  I could only try to apologize and make a better impression after the fact.

So guess what?  I'm pregnant again and the lovely third trimester beast has already started to rear its ugly head....and I'm not ACTUALLY in the third trimester yet!  I still have two weeks to go!  I have hit a wall where I want to enter my cavern of solitude.  I don't want to answer the phone, I don't want to leave my house, I don't want to deal with anyone but my own little immediate family and maybe two other people.  I cant even stand extended family at this point!  What is wrong with me?!  I feel like I am taking crazy pills!  And no, telling me repeatedly that I am pregnant and overly sensitive does NOT help.

In my hypnobabies class, we talk about creating a bubble of peace during our pregnancy.  Keeping positivity in and negativity out of our bubble.  I feel like I do a pretty decent job at that until a random stranger at Starbucks asks me if I should REALLY be drinking coffee while pregnant.  That is when my bubble of peace explodes and third trimester beast rears its ugly head.  I think that the best medicine for me is to do what feels right and honor my limits.  I also have to honor the fact that I KNOW that this isn't me and that I wont always be like this. 

I think that I need to take more time to actually be with myself too- to "self care".  I may be in my home, but I need to take more time to actually be in a positive place with myself.  As much as I would love to blame everyone around me for the beast rearing its ugly head....Im the one that has to own my actions and take responsibility for my behavior.  So don't take it personally if you don't see me for a while.  Like at least 15 more weeks.....